Wednesday May 12, 2010
Sex and the City star Cynthia Nixon has a celebrity crush—50-year-old unmarried Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan!
Cynthia's had a thing for pudgy butches ever since meeting her current beau, Christine Marinoni.
"Elena is just my type of gal," says Nixon. "I'm happily married, but there's no harm in fantasizing!"
Friday May 7, 2010
After learning in the new issue of People Magazine that Country & Western singer Chely Wright is a lesbian, God has shown his wrath by flooding Nashville, the capital of C&W music and home to the iconic performance hall, the Grand Old Opry.
Over the past several years, religious leaders have attributed a flurry of natural disasters—earthquakes, tsunamis, hurricanes, etc.—to God's punishment for mankind's decadence, especially homosexuality.
Wright's self-centered decision to publicly come out (and try to boost her career) has obviously provoked the Supreme Being and ignited a costly calamity for the entire C&W industry.
Feel better about yourself now, Chely?
Monday May 3, 2010
My Comrade has learned that entertainer Queen Latifah has renewed her subscription to People Magazine.
Her year-long subscription was to have ended last week, but she made a last-minute decision to renew after hearing that this week's issue features a celebrity coming-out cover story.
Latifah wants to learn for herself about the tantalizing news!
Tuesday April 27, 2010
According to a new survey, Catholic priests consider sixteen-year-old singing sensation Justin Bieber to be their favorite celebrity.
"He's such a fine spicemen of young manhood," gushes Father Woody O'Leacher of Dublin, Ireland.
"There's no one more innocent and pure looking," agrees Boston priest Wally Pincher.
Another priestly favorite: American Idol's David Archuleta who is 19-years-old but looks much younger.
In recent years the Jonas Brothers ranked high in the priest poll, but the group's popularity has declined as its members have matured.
Says Father O'Leacher, "We priests prefer young talent."
Sunday April 25, 2010
Iceland has a powerful new weapon for combating exploding volcanoes: Chastity Bono's recently removed breasts.
Bono, the offspring of pop-music duo Sonny and Cher, is transitioning into a man and has been holding on to her substantial flesh mounds with plans of someday transforming them into a hilly park. She has decided instead to generously donate them to Iceland's emergency volcanic efforts.
A fleet of helicopters will transport her breasts from California to active volcano Eyjafjallajökull where they will be dropped into its gaping crater. The sheer size of the breasts is expected to completely stuff up the volcano and halt emission of lava and poisonous ash.
"I'm so proud of my son," said Cher, when reached at her Malibu mansion.
Thursday February 25, 2010
Back in 1992, femmy Jaye Davidson was nominated for an Oscar when he portrayed a sweet transsexual in the box-office hit The Crying Game.
Since then Jaye has shed his femmy ways for a tough male look.
He's given up his movie career, but still knows how to get in character!
Sunday January 24, 2010
Oops, sorry that's not Gaga, it's Gaagaa... looking for clients in this week's Village Voice classified ads.
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