TOP HEADLINES



 

Thursday May 20, 2010

"Ma Lawi" Banned From Silly Drag Names

"Ma Lawi" has been removed from the list of officially sanctioned silly drag names.

 

The name now conjures ignorance and hatred after a Malawi gay couple were handed down harsh prison terms for holding the country's first same-sex wedding.

 

 

The lenthy pun-filled drag list is maintained by the Drag Organization Of Linguistics (DROOL), run by Faye King and Anita Sausage.

 

 


 

Tuesday May 18, 2010

First Came The Fag BISHOP—Now There's A Dyke!

The Episcopalian Church now has two same-sex loving bishops!

 

 

Mary Glasspool was ordained last week.

 

 

V. Gene Robinson has been a bishop since 2003.

 

Both report to "God," which makes them so happy, happy, happy!  You can tell by their always twinkling eyes and big grins! 

 

And they get to wear such pretty costumes!

 

But when it comes to flashy finery, Gene wins hands down!

 

Mary was selected by audience applause when Ye Mighty Purple Bishop raised his hand one by one over the finalists, including former talk-show hostess Sally Jesse Raphael who now has a buzz cut.

 

Better luck next time, Sally!

 

Religion is KrAzy FuN!

 

 

 

Filed Under: , COMMENTS

 

Wednesday May 12, 2010

CYNTHIA NIXON Has The Hots For Supreme Court Nominee ELENA KAGAN

Sex and the City star Cynthia Nixon has a celebrity crush—50-year-old unmarried Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan!

 

 

 

Cynthia's had a thing for pudgy butches ever since meeting her current beau, Christine Marinoni.

 

 

"Elena is just my type of gal," says Nixon.  "I'm happily married, but there's no harm in fantasizing!"

 

 

"


 

Friday May 7, 2010

C&W Star CHELY WRIGHT Comes Out; Angry God Responds By Flooding Grand Old Opry

After learning in the new issue of People Magazine that Country & Western singer Chely Wright is a lesbian, God has shown his wrath by flooding Nashville, the capital of C&W music and home to the iconic performance hall, the Grand Old Opry.

 

 

 

Over the past several years, religious leaders have attributed a flurry of natural disasters—earthquakes, tsunamis, hurricanes, etc.—to God's punishment for mankind's decadence, especially homosexuality.

 

Wright's self-centered decision to publicly come out (and try to boost her career) has obviously provoked the Supreme Being and ignited a costly calamity for the entire C&W industry.

 

Feel better about yourself now, Chely?

 

 


 

Saturday May 1, 2010

Heterosexuals To Blame For Giant OIL SPILL

Heterosexuals' long history of destroying the environment continues with a giant oil spill ravaging the Gulf of Mexico.

 

The cause of the disaster is a  leaking oil rig owned by British Petroleum.  Like virtually all other multinational oil companies, its executives and workers are overwhelming straight.

 

The rig was installed several years ago to suck oil from the Earth primarily so heterosexuals can fuel large cars to transport their large families.

 

As heterosexuals add more and more people to our crowded planet, their increasing demand for oil is sure to result in more environmental disasters.

 

Straights = Oil Greed = Earth Disaster.

 

 

 

Filed Under: COMMENTS

 

Tuesday April 27, 2010

Boyish Pop Singer JUSTIN BIEBER Tops Priest Poll

According to a new survey, Catholic priests consider sixteen-year-old singing sensation Justin Bieber to be their favorite celebrity.

 

    

 

"He's such a fine spicemen of young manhood," gushes Father Woody O'Leacher of Dublin, Ireland.

 

"There's no one more innocent and pure looking," agrees Boston priest Wally Pincher.

 

Another priestly favorite: American Idol's David Archuleta who is 19-years-old but looks much younger.

 

In recent years the Jonas Brothers ranked high in the priest poll, but the group's popularity has declined as its members have matured.

 

Says Father O'Leacher, "We priests prefer young talent."

 

 

 


 

Sunday April 25, 2010

CHASTITY BONO Donates Breasts To Help Smother Volcano

Iceland has a powerful new weapon for combating exploding volcanoes: Chastity Bono's recently removed breasts.

 

 

Bono, the offspring of pop-music duo Sonny and Cher, is transitioning into a man and has been holding on to her substantial flesh mounds with plans of someday transforming them into a hilly park.  She has decided instead to generously donate them to Iceland's emergency volcanic efforts.

 

A fleet of helicopters will transport her breasts from California to active volcano Eyjafjallajökull where they will be dropped into its gaping crater.  The sheer size of the breasts is expected to completely stuff up the volcano and halt emission of lava and poisonous ash.

 

 

"I'm so proud of my son," said Cher, when reached at her Malibu mansion.